06 August 2012

Not a 73-Point Checklist

Thanks to this thing called insomnia, I’ve spent portions of the last few nights watching on-demand episodes of Miss Advised, that new Bravo reality series about the professional love gurus who can’t seem to find their own love. One of the women, a dating advice columnist, has a 73-point checklist for her potential mate. 73, people.

rugby stripes

Now it's not like I've been actively dating anytime in recent history, but I remember when I was “single and looking” I always kind of went into the whole dating thing completely unprepared with both feet first (certainly not saying that my way was right and Miss 73-Point Checklist is wrong, but certainly my feeling-my-way-through-it style took a lot less forethought).

I don't remember having any sort of specific "type" when I was younger, but when it came to the act of dating, I certainly never had any personal rules – actually, scratch that. I may not have had any personal checklists to go through or went by any official rules to dating that I got off of some find-love-now book or online dating site, but I guess I had rules. Non-rule rules. 'Cause they only really just involved me.

I guess my first unofficial rule was to not act interested, make the guy come to you. Which honestly wasn’t a rule for myself so much as I was just shy as all heck and didn’t know how to approach guys. Thus was probably why most of the guys I did end up dating were friends first. ‘Cause the whole "play coy" thing totally was not me.

rugby stripes  rugby stripes

Another non-rule was that if the guy I liked seemed interested but I wasn’t sure if he was really interested or kind of interested or just looking for something to do on Saturday afternoon, then I acted noncommittal. I don’t mean all “well I was planning to wash my hair that day, but if you really want to go grab coffee” or anything eye rolling like that - more like, coffee’s great, but if coffee doesn’t happen, or if grabbing a coffee was really just grabbing a coffee, so be it.

Third non-rule (wow, I had a lot of rules for dating for someone who claimed to not have had any rules) was to keep the Crazy to myself. At least when you're still getting to know someone. Miss 73-Point Checklist laid it all out there on a first date, going balls to the wall THIS IS ME and taking her date out on pseudo-prom - tiaras, tuxes, limos, the whole deal. It felt like expecting too much too soon. I subscribed to the school of keeping it real, but keeping my Crazy to myself, at least until the third or fourth date. Anything after that, well, get the stuffed animals out of the closet and let the OCD Type-A games begin!

So what do you think, ladies? For you current and former daters, did you have any dating rules that you abide by, official or not? Did you have a checklist of things you wanted your perfect mate to be? And if you’re in a share-y mood, what did and didn’t work for you?

rugby stripes

Dress: J.Crew rugby stripe (sim, sim, pricey)
Bag: H&M (worn here - sim, sim, sim, sim)
Earrings: F21 (worn here - sim, simpler, pricey)
Bracelets: Old Navy enamel & J.Crew stud (sim, sim, sim)
Shoes: Toms canvas (worn here - sim, same denim, striped, beige)

♥     ♥     ♥     ♥

♥  I have added loads of fresh items on my blog sale - please check it out if you'd like a deal on brand new or barely-worn dresses, shoes, bags and more!

♥  And don't forget to submit your outfits for the next Respect the Outfits reader feature: Summer Staples!

46 comments:

  1. I really like your outfit especially those shoes and your bag! I think a 73 checklist is a little ridiculous. When I was single I had a top 10 and then little things that were semi important.

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  2. I always love reading your posts -- so smart and funny! 73 seems a bit much, the list itself might be why she can't find anyone! I share some rules in common with you...I would always try to keep the crazy toned down and act uninterested, even if I was very very interested. I also had this dumb rule that I wouldn't text a guy first, because if he texted ME first then that must mean he was thinking of me/is into me. Smoking was always a dealbreaker for me too. Thanks for sharing this, loved reading, and your outfit is adorable :)

    Stephanie

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    Replies
    1. Ugh, I can't stand smoking! I know everyone's got a right to smoke if they want to and it's not like there's anyone left in the US at least who doesn't know the risks associated with smoking, so if they choose to still do it, so be it. BUT honestly I have a really sensitive nose and if I smell smoke close to me, I get stuffed up and start sneezing immediately. Like i end up being the person who is bothering others, not the smoker, haha.

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  3. I'm loving this entire outfit! As for dating rules, I think at the beginning of my dating life I probably should have had more rules for myself...it would have saved me a lot of trouble lol

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  4. I LOVE your dress and it brings back so many memories since I dated a rugby player once. I have rules....most pertain to common courtesy and being treated like a lady. Amazing how many guys miss this concept!!! 73 point checklist? Wow........wonder if I could find a copy of that somewhere??? j/k!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahah, I did link to it because I can't make that stuff up!

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  5. I have caught a few episodes of that show, it's like the RHONJ you can't help but watch. Love the outfit, looks great with the pop of color clutch!

    Amy


    Leopard and Lillies

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    Replies
    1. My regular addiction is the RHONY - so glad they overhauled that show and got a bunch of new ladies on, the bickering last season killed me, it wasn't even fun drama anymore!

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  6. i love this outfit!! the blue and the coral are such a pretty combination! you look gorgeous hon!

    haha omgosh i just started watching it last night.. they're so crazy.. and yet.. i can't stop watching HAHA.

    i had lots of rules too.. but it was more rules for myself less for them.. and i think i was pretty good at following them.. but yeah.. the crazy one.. i followed too.. my rule was ' every girl's crazy.. the key is to keep the crazy locked away until they're head over heels in love with you.. then you can unleash the crazy' BAHAHAH!

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    1. Yeah, all my rules are really rules for myself. Girl, you got a fantastic shoe collection and hella good taste in food - what man couldn't fall for a gal with killer legs and great taste?!

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  7. I love the blue and coral together! That dress is amazing on you. :)

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  8. I have seen a few episodes of that show so I totally know what you are talking about. I didn't really have that many rules, I required that they love my brother with Down's Syndrome but that was really the only major love.

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    Replies
    1. I think for someone to love you, they need to love your family too - that's so important!

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  9. I broke my engagement to the guy who enlisted without even mentioning it to me before the fact. I was heartbroken, but i couldn't imagine spending my life with someone who'd make that kind of life choice without even telling me until it was too late. And I prayed for his safety every day, every night. At least until his first leave, when he married a girl he met at ... You don't need the details. I made the right choice for both of us. So that was my rule: is this a guy who will value my opinions? My thoughts?

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    Replies
    1. Wow, that is a huge deal life decision to make without input from your fiance! Holy cow. You are a strong smart woman from making your decision then.

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  10. when friends and i have talked about this (since FH and i have been together for ages) i always say when we first got together music and movies were important. and then over time it became would he make a good husband/life partner? will he make a good father?

    so... the 73 point checklist can take a hike. ;)

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  11. Cute dress, I love that bag! 73 is a bit much, I mean 72 ok, but 73 is just over the top, haha. :)

    But really, I'm now old and married, but when I was dating, the major rule is to be with someone that made me laugh. If I'm not laughing when I'm with you, then I don't want to be with you. My husband pretty much makes me laugh on a daily basis!

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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    Replies
    1. Laughing is so important. Laughing makes you happy!

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  12. Keeping the crazy in the closet is probably my first rule, haha. But oh man is it hard when someone brings up Harry Potter and I have to go into calm zen, "yeah, I really love hp" mode instead of "eeee!!khalwelktj[ YOU LIKE IT TOOO LETS GET MARRRIED" mode.

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    Replies
    1. High five! Shoot, people used to off-handedly bring up X-Men or some other comic book hero/heroine and I had to keep myself calm and not go into full on "did you read Uncanny X-Men #266, first appearance of Gambit because I have a mint copy at home ..." Ooooooohhhhhhh Lisa nerd alert!

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  13. A list with that many requirements for a man sounds pretty ridiculous to me, and limiting as well. It makes me wonder if they're a result of what went wrong in previous relationships. I think that the first thing is to just ensure the obvious and apparent: that they're kind, have morals, are decent, and dress well!! HAha, just kidding about that last one, but it never hurts ;) I feel like we're all so different as individuals and life experiences really do make us who are. Who I was today is not the same person I was when hubs and I first met 7 years ago, but certain key commonalities have always been in place that allow us to grow and develop as a couple and as individuals.
    Love that you kept "crazy in the closet" in for the first couple of dates - same here!

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    1. I don't remember where I got this from, but someone said that a man is worthwhile if you would want to have a son just like him. I think if I had a "checklist" for an ideal mate, that would be a great simple definition.

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  14. I am LOVIN' Miss Advised!! I'm addicted to reality TV, and think this show is very entertaining. But I cringe when I see Miss 73-point Checklist be soooooo incredibly aggressive with guys. I think she may have had a chance with the last guy but she came on way too strong and was so overpowering. I'm sure she scared him away. I guess I'm old-fashioned. I prefer to have the guy come after me.

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    1. I totally agree! She needed to lay off that last guy a bit, I thought he was cute and sweet, but she probably scared the heck out of him!

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  15. Oh man I LOVE that show. I don't watch a lot of TV (other than the Olympics right now) but that's one I try to watch if I can. I've been married for 6 years and it's been almost a decade since I've dated anyone other than my husband, so it's hard to remember... But, I do know that one of my "rules" was that if I was interested in someone, I went for it. I'm the most impatient person on the planet, so I wasn't about to wait to see if someone was interested in me. I just went for it, and hoped for the best. I had a few rejections, but since I'm still married to the last guy I "went for" (he was kind of shy) I guess it worked!

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    1. You're awesome - I don't think I was ever bold enough to go for it unless there was alcohol involved, and then it never worked out anyways because I become a bumbling blubber-er!

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  16. I love your blog and I especially love that you re-sell your clothes! Very fashionable and very fair :)

    xo

    Rachel

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  17. I haven't been in the dating world for so long, I can't remember if I had lots of rules. Making me laugh was so important and I remember that you kind of had to "play the game" whether you wanted to or not. Guys apparently like a good chase. I LOVE that dress on you!!
    -amy
    www.dreamingincashmere.com

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    1. That's one thing about dating that I am so glad I don't have to deal with anymore - it is a bit of "playing the game" isn't it?!

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  18. Thank you for your comment. I am following you!! Love the blog and this post was great!! Love this color!

    oliviamoone.blogspot.com

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  19. Oh, so envious of your dress, not just because it's lovely, but because it has sleeves, and looks warm, and I'm dog-tired of dog days.

    Your non-rules kinda confused me after a bit, but I do have a short attention span which I certainly did my best to hide in early dating days. I had so few relationships that when I found myself actually really dating for the first time in my 40s, I found the rules kinda of just came naturally, like: Must not live at home with mom. Must adore my dogs. Must like movies, books, and art, and not tell me if you love NASCAR. Etc. :P

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    1. I get called "Rambles" a bit because I go on and on ... that is part of the Crazy I keep hidden from new dates, haha!

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  20. What a great dress paired with the pops of pink/peachy colors.

    I have been married for 12 years and with my husband for 16 years, but the #1 rule for dating is that he had to have nice shoes (they say a lot about a man's personal hygiene) and NOT live with his parents!

    Heather

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    1. Hahah, I think you're right about the shoes - but same rule should apply for girls too!

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  21. I'm sad that I missed out on this dress...I love the rugby stripes. My main rule has always been that my man has to be close with his family and religious. These two rules have been consistent throughout the years. One of my friends is really obsessed about a guy's teeth. She won't date the guy if he has bad teeth. I now check out the teeth a little bit more than I used to in the past, but it doesn't stop me. He can always take several trips to the dentist.

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  22. Really cute post! LOVE your dress! Really love stripes right now! It feels like so long since I've dated but I remember always trying to play it cool and making sure he acted more interested than me. It sounds silly now but it really worked for me back then. Tot totally did the noncommittal thing too!

    xo Jenny
    www.crazystylelove.com

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  23. Adorable look! Love the dress. And 73? Wow. 73. Hahaha!

    » » » http://astyleinprogress.com

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  24. Sounds like an interesting show... I might have to check it out, the 73 rules got me interested, haha! Lovely outfit, specially the striped dress... I LOVE that it has long sleeves and how you added the coral shoes and bag to make it pop!

    Jenny
    http://www.jensoutfitjournal.com/

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    1. I watched the finale last night and girlfriend ended up adding to her checklist, so I think she's at 88 rules now! ;o)

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  25. What a gorgeous dress - I love the casual vibe... and those shoes add a fab accent color!

    XO
    www.pearlsandpaws.blogspot.com

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  26. Thanks for visit my blog! Your bag is cuuuute!

    http://miss-velours.blogspot.com

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  27. Love your dress! Pretty colors and so gorgeous paired with the coral/peach details!

    xoxo,
    Rachel
    Rachel’s Lookbook

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  28. I've been looking for an open toe pair of shoes! I love my Toms and I remember thinking, if only they made these in open toe. LOL! Are they comfortable? I'm looking for a pair for my European vacation so i wanted something that could last me through days of walking. Last time I wore ballet flats on vacation and they were no bueno.

    <3 Maggie

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  29. I love the rugby stripes on the dress, and unexpected with the pink, nice!
    Am following you. I just started out, come on over, follow back if you like,
    xx
    Simona
    www.lakenmoon.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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