01 March 2012

Hiding Behind My Blog

It's vapid. All-consuming. Shallow. Self-indulgent. Frivolous.

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That's what a lot of people think of blogs and bloggers. And I can't completely disagree with those guys. Blogging and being a blogger is in a way all those things. I mean, I take pictures of myself wearing "pretty" outfits and babble on and on about the random things that pitter patter through my head. And then post in on the Internet for all to see.

I get why people who don't blog or read blogs do not get it. Before I actually read a blog, I didn't get it either. There's a smirky stigma about it, much like there is about anything that we do solely for ourselves nowadays. So much so that as much as I enjoy blogging, no one that I work with know that I have a blog. A lot of my friends don't know that I blog. My family doesn't know about my blog. Only a handful of people in my day-to-day life know about this "place" and they don't ever come by to visit. My regular life is very far removed from this style blogging community.

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And that's just how I like it. Let's face it, fellow bloggers and blog readers. We do this because it is fun. Because we can spend a few moments away from the bills or yelling at the kids (or the pup) or stressing over the job so that we can fawn over a pretty pair of shoes. Or ogle an interesting color combo. Or commiserate over the poor fit of a certain dress. We have a little niche where it is OK to like and discuss the things that aren't important.

My blog is my personal little domain. And in fact, sometimes I find it easier to be more honest with you ladies over the Internet than I do to the people in my daily life - there's no history, no judgement. There's still a sense of anonymity regardless of my big face being plastered all over this web site.

What are some of the stigmas that you associate with blogs? Why did you decide to get into blogging in spite of them? How honest are you with the people in your daily life about your blogging hobby?

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Top: J.Crew quincy (worn here - sim, sim)
Pants: J.Crew scout chino (sim, denim)
Belt: J.Crew embossed (sim)
Necklace: Definitely Different via Etsy (sim, pricey)
Bracelets: Old Navy (sim, sim, pricey)
Shoes: Nine West temani (worn here - sim, loaferpeep wedge)

This topic was inspired by Frannie's recent post about why she blogs.

73 comments:

  1. I'm completely in the same boat as you. Nobody(family or friends) know about my blog. To me, my blog is a safe heaven for me to say whatever I like to say. I don't need anybody's approval or judgement. I used to have another blog which is more about my day-to-day lifestyle(which is extremely boring) and I'm getting tired of people asking me questions that I don't feel like answering. So I decided to start this new blog with very selective topics to talk about.

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    1. I know. I enjoy a venue where I can pretty much share as much or as little as I am comfortable with. Daily outfits? Nothing to harmful or personal in that for me!

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  2. This is almost me to a T. I started blogging in 2009 and only now have I recently told a few real life friends about it. I definitely feel a sense of embarassment about it because I feel most people would think it's strange or would cast judgement, at the same time, I LOVE the outlet it creates and the sense of community I get from "internet friends".... Love the plaid with the coral btw!

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  3. I haven't been blogging very long, but very few people in my "real" life know that I blog. My hubby told a couple people about my blog (since he's really proud of it) and I kinda freaked out that these people will think I'm a total weirdo. I also panic when the neighbors see me taking photos! But I really do enjoy blogging. Before college, I contemplated a career in fashion and since I didn't take that path, blogging is a way to keep my little fashion dream alive.

    -Sharon
    The Tiny Heart

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    Replies
    1. I've tried taking pics outdoors before but it was not pretty. Especially since I currently only have a dinky point and shoot camera, take my own pics and don't have a tripod!

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  4. "We do this because it is fun. Because we can spend a few moments away from the bills or yelling at the kids (or the pup) or stressing over the job so that we can fawn over a pretty pair of shoes. Or ogle an interesting color combo. Or commiserate over the poor fit of a certain dress. We have a little niche where it is OK to like and discuss the things that aren't important."

    Couldn't have said it better myself :)
    p.s. the color of those pants is amazing!

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  5. Pretty much everyone I know has heard of my blog and a lot of them are really supportive of it (even if they never look at it). Overall, I don't really care if people think it's self indulgent or shallow because I know the real reasons why I do it. It's a hobby for me. Something that helps me unwind. Somewhere that I can talk about my interests without feeling like I'm boring the person who's reading it --- mostly because whoever is reading it has a choice as to whether they want to read past the first sentence or not. :) I have also really enjoyed the little relationships I've formed with other women with similar interests (ahem... shopping...) that have no strings attached. :)

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    1. I know others would disagree, but I think shopping and window shopping as as valid a hobby as reading a book, or collecting trains, or anything else!

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  6. I've been blogging almost 6 years, and in that time the relationships I have made with fellow bloggers have become one of the more stable and fulfilling in my life for exactly the reasons you say. The honesty, the lack of judgement, the camaraderie.

    xox

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    Replies
    1. Totally agree. If you ladies don't like an outfit I'm wearing, the majority of you gals would either not say anything or offer some constructive criticism. For some reason if someone doesn't like my outfit in day-to-day life, there's always that one jackass that'll say something purposefully snarky!

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  7. Girlfriend, I have read and seen it all regarding me and my blogging. I have been told to my internet "face" that my children are ugly and have been told behind my internet "back" that my smile is insipid, my hair is blah, my writing is dull and boring, and worse of all, that people find my pregnancy obnoxious (claiming that all I do is talk talk talk about it--uh, duh, I am kind of with child, what am I supposed to do?), and that they laugh out loud when they read or see that my "perfect" life is not as perfect as I present it. (Huh, when did I ever present my life as perfect?)

    And this has been three years of this shiznit. I spend about a week licking my wounds whenever it happens and then realize, WAIT...this says a helluva lot more about the folks slinging the arrows than the person on the receiving end. Why are they even over at my blog if I am everything they detest? That just seems weird.

    So I continue on, doing my thing, maybe employing tactics to prevent some of the craziness (disqus commenting and being overt about what each and every post will be about so that people don't accidentally have to be bowled over by my pregnant belly or some such, lol).

    Your blog is FUN, mine is FUN for me and others who are like me, and I say enjoy.

    BTW, everyone in my life knows about my blog. I find it difficult to hide the reason why I dress up for the preschool run...folks seriously wonder why someone would even bother dressing up when you could just wear jeans and/or sweats instead. ;)

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    1. Dina, I can't believe all the thing people will say to you, it make s me angry. Sending you a virtual hug. You are beautiful and so are your darling kids. I don't comment much on your blog because I don't like Disqus but I read anad enjoy all your posts. Grrrr to all the haters.

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    2. WTF is wrong with people? That is ridiculous and I feel terrible that people have said those things to you. Didn't they learn that if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing?

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    3. Nuttin' but haters! That means you are the bizness. I didn't think you dress up for the preschool run for your blog. I thought you like to dress well and live your life that way when you can. We know no one's life is perfect. I will always remember that Mr. Dina's keepsakes did *not* get flooded. *lol*

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    4. I don't get the point of being mean for meanness sake. Granted we all have our own opinions and don't agree on everything and we don't have to pretend to be all lovey dovey towards each other - but especially on your own blog domain, there's no place for someone to be pointlessly mean towards someone they don't know.

      (And girl, if it wasn't for this blog, I probably would be in sweats and jeans every day - and no one wants to see that, not even myself!)

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    5. The nerve of some people! I find all the haters are the ones who want to remain with the most anonymity. Why? Becuase they must have a lot of shame! {Hugs} and {High Five} for doing what you love to do on your own terms. If people don't like it they can take a hike! ;)

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    6. Dina! Girlfriend! People are crazy-mean for saying those things to you, for goodness sakes. You are beautiful and your kids are the most adorable kids ever.
      You know you have many fans and like ajc I am sending you a virtual hug. :)

      Delete
  8. Oh, and I LOVE your outfit. :) Your pants are so cheery, just like you!

    BTW, 99% of my internet visitors are just amazing, and I thank goodness that I have IRL friends and cyber friends. Pretty great world we have here.

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  9. Wow Lisa!!!! Thank you so much for the link AND, for the record, I am SO glad that you blog. Your posts are some of my favorite reads ever and this one is no exception. I love everything about this post--especially the coral pants. Shallow Sam, I am. But at any rate and in all seriousness, blogging should always be because it is fun and because you want to and nothing more. I say when you no longer enjoy it, you should not do it. Puh-riod.

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  10. Lisa, I feel the same. I just started blogging and I enjoy it more than I expected but I feel funny about telling people. I did tell my husband but that's it. I was always having those monologues in my head and now I can put it in writing. And some people actually read it, I am always amazed at that but it makes me very happy.

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    1. Haha, I never thought of my posts as my own internal monologues, but you're right!

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  11. Oh, and I forgot to say thank you for blogging. You always bring up the best topics. And your smile always cheers me up, today including!

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  12. I've actually told a lot of people about my blog, but it was hard for me because I feel so much of the stigma you describe. I'm not sure why though...Who cares if it's silly and frivolous and just for fun? We need things in our life like that
    www.saysskippy.blogspot.com

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  13. Well, all my friends know about my blog but for the most part, they never comment and they never read it. My blogging life is pretty much entirely separate from real life. My husband encouraged me to start a blog (even though he doesn't blog) - he thought I had some interesting things to say. I held back for a long time, not so much because I thought there was any stigma attached to it, but because I didn't know if I had much to talk about. As it is, my husband was right, it is great fun, and a wonderful outlet. My job is so dry, it is fun to escape a little and just think about beautiful things.

    Great outfit!! I just ordered those pants last week, now I can't wait for them to arrive, the colour looks amazing!

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    1. The neon peach color is REALLY neon, but I dig it!

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    2. You're right, the pants are BRIGHT! Not sure if I can handle it!

      PS. Finally got around to posting about too much exfoliation being potentially damaging to the skin, and I referenced your original post - hope that's okay!

      Delete
  14. I'm glad you said all these things--I agree! Most of my friends do know about my blog, but I think they all find it strange that I take pictures of myself and put them on the internet; like MY style is just sooo fabulous that I must share with the world. At least all of us here on blogger understand each other. ;) great blog! xoxo.

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  15. Great post and cute outfit!

    This is a subject I think about a lot. I am in an industry where intellectualism is paramount and I fear deeply (though not deeply enough to quit) that my blog conveys a shallowness that is career suicide among outsiders/non-bloggers/non-blog readers. Just recently I realized that a number of my colleagues read my blog which was exciting but also humbling and a little bit of a wake up call for me. While I have always known that by putting myself out there I will be subject to judgments I cannot control, I also didn't anticipate that I'd keep at it for this long. I didn't anticipate how much I'd enjoy doing it and forging community with other women who are professionals, domestic goddesses, and/or moms-who-do-it-all by day and bloggers whenever they get a few spare minutes. I am grateful for blogs like yours because of the inspiration and thought provocation you provide. And if people want to believe our sphere to be entirely vapid (as sometimes it can be), I'm ok with that too.

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    1. I didn't think I'd be blogging for as long as I have been as well. I thought it'd be an interesting experiment but didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I do.

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  16. I totally agree with you. No one really knows about my blog (family/friends) I think they would be kinda shocked I had one haha but its definitely my own little piece of the internet for sharing anything or everything :) and I love it :) When I stop loving it thats when I will stop :)

    katattack2000.wordpress.com

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  17. I love this post. You've said it perfectly. People who do not blog and do not read blogs just don't understand. For me, it's a way to share my passions with people who care about those similar passions. It's hard to find friends that share similar interests and want to talk about them all the time...but it's easy to find bloggers that feel that way! It's and escapism from the ho hum and hum drum of the everyday. And my friends and family know about my blog...but the only one that reads it is my husband. And that's the way I like it. :)

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  18. Lisa, I consider it my little sweet escape. Nobody I work with knows about it either. I really enjoy reading through posts and learning new things. That's why I started it. I had a personal blog for 2 years and then a style blog caught my eye. There's an ugly side to it (mainly people's attitudes) but overall you CAN meet some nice individuals.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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  19. I'm with you Lisa. Although many of my real life friends know about my blog (mainly since I went to India last year), blogging is more of a creative outlet for me. I'm going through a phase where I am not as obsessed about my outfits and trying to find a balance between outfits and other stuff to post about. Ultimately I am using my blog as a personal diary. I find it amusing that anyone even reads what I write, although I like to think I have a few bloggy "friends" out there in the internet ;)

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    1. I remember when I got my first handfuls of followers, I was scared! People are reading my stuff? OMG, what would they think? Oh the pressure!

      But I've learned to just throw my hands up, do what I want, and enjoy it!

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  20. You are right that people who don't read blogs, or don't know they are on blogs when they're reading content don't understand. To quote Cher, if I could turn back time, I would not have told the 4-5 irl friends that I told. I already cannot talk about a chunk of my life due to my work. Thinking about what I say if I mention a friend on my blog feels limiting. As far as I know, my friends do not tune in at all. However, if someone just happens to read and think I am talking about them when I'm not it could get silly. I had one situation where someone read something and didn't ask for clarification, yet held a grudge for months. Ok, that was a vent. My husband is supportive. He reads blogs & is in forums, so he gets it. We trade blog & forum stories. I know some of the handles of his online friends. I guess that would sound sad to some people, but that's how we roll. As far as my family. My brothers have been excited for me. I don't think my sister has visited. I don't think my mom or dad get it. All that is ok. As others have mentioned, it's nice to have an online Cheers.

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  21. Love your color combo here, especially those pants! It is always interesting trying to explain to people about my blog...a lot of them definitely don't get it haha

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  22. You look really cute Lisa. I love the unexpected color combinations (peach and blue) And they work beautifully on you! I don't think I could ever pull this off!!

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  23. First, your outfit is super cute!!! Second, thanks SO much for this post. You've completely captured a lot of how I feel about blogging. I am SO glad that I started a blog; I've met SO many wonderful people, and like Gigi said, "it's nice to have an online Cheers." I feel like I'm shopping with my best friend. My amazing husband is super supportive of my blog. Indeed, he's so excited about the blog that he starts telling anyone who will listen about it. I cringed, however, a few weeks ago when he almost spilled the beans about my blog to a friend. For some reason, I just don't want my friends to know. And, I think that it's because of what you've said so well about not being judged. Thanks again SO much!!!

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    1. I think this blogging community has ruined me a bit for shopping for my real life friends! Because though they like to shop and dress up too, they don't know about the new releases for certain brands, or the names of certain pieces, can't offer easy advice on how some stuff fits ... ;o)

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  24. I honestly never had any stigma's about blogging until recently when I noticed that some of the favourite bloggers wear outfits that are comprised entirely of "courtesy of" items. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

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  25. Nice outfit. I love how stripes and plaids can be used as a neutral.

    I really enjoyed reading blogs and it looked like so much fun I started my own. I've told less than a handful of people about my blog and I don't show my face. Mainly because my "space" is special to me and it's not something I want to discuss with my backstabbing, hating, jealous coworkers(maybe that's just my job) or my nosy neighbors. I think if I knew people in my day to day life were reading my blog I would feel the need to edit myself. Yet oddly enough I have no issues about sharing that space with total strangers :). I would like to make more internet friends to share my interests, but I'm also very afraid of internet wackos. I'm still trying to figure the whole process out but the people I've connected with so far, like yourself, have made it worthwhile.

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    1. I totally agree - I feel like I can share more freely with you all than I can with my real friends sometimes. And I totally don't discuss my day-to-day life or my friends because I don't want anyone finding out and feel like I was "talking behind their backs" or something. BF is OK though because I keep it light and he knows about my blog, he chooses not to read it, haha!

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  26. wow you pretty much wrote what was in my head! I started one because I enjoyed reading blogs and thought, hey, I can do this too. I like the fact that it's not something super serious (well, not my blog anyways) and it's just fun for me. It is funny that most of my friends that know about my blogs never even seem to visit too.

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  27. Well done Lisa. You actually did a very good coverage on the stigma associated with blogging and bloggers!

    What makes these negativity more tangible is when it takes a dose of reality.. I have been in numerous situations where I had to justify getting a front row seat next to traditional newspapers as bloggers are... quasi-wanna be journalists/fashion writers.

    Oy!

    oxo,

    ML
    Twenty York Street
    www.twentyyork.com

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    Replies
    1. I think some people just don't see blogging as a legit form of expression or distribution of information. There are loads of blogs out there now that get more readership and are more influential than "legit" web sites in the same industry - that should count for something!

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  28. You hit the nail on the head with this post Lisa! Entirely. Completely. Down to the point where even the very few people in my real life who I have told about my little blog, never ever reads it. And I am fine with it. :) I've heard snarky comments about blogs (years ago at work - even though it was in the fashion industry). In fact, I just sat there while the VP was like "I don't get blogs, it's just a bunch of people out there talking to themselves about nothing." Well, that is kind of like what a journal or a diary is, and I guess that's how I see most of our blogs. :) Anyhow... love this post and sorry I wrote a long ass book!

    xx Vivian @ http://diamondsandtulle.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh and I forgot to say - LOVE the colorful pants! And THANKS for ALWAYS being a cheerful and sweet person!

      Delete
    2. I know what you mean - my company started a blog, a twitter page, FB, etc. in the last few months to get on the social media bandwagon. I think these are all legit forms of marketing but I still remember the initial reactions from some of our higher ups - skepticism, confusion ... some people just don't understand!

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  29. seriously a cool outfit, love the shirt! now following :)

    natalie
    http://lucyandtherunaways.blogspot.com

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  30. This is a topic Iʻve thought a lot about. Iʻve always wondered whether other people would find my blog inane and pointless. I think Iʻm so late to the style game because I always thought I would lose some part of myself for focusing on "superficial" things like clothing and personal appearance. However, Iʻve come to realize that my external appearance can be a legitimate form of self-expression, and that dressing up and feeling good about what Iʻm wearing makes me feel great, and itʻs FUN. :) That being said, very few people from real life know about the blog, and right now I like it that way.

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    1. I like that - the idea of blogging as a form of self-expression. And nothing wrong in getting dressed in a certain way as a way to express yourself!

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  31. loving this colour combo, looks so great on you

    xxx
    Daria, the Fashionsurfer

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  32. Part of me feels like I should be embarrassed that I have a blog, but then I remind myself that I'm proud of what I do, and at the end of the day, I WANT people to read my writing and appreciate my work. So I'm open about my blog, and I've become more proud of sharing it with my coworkers and people I meet. I created my blog as an outlet, and it's fun for me, but I'm also not ashamed to admit that I like having an audience!

    I love that you're not afraid to bring up these provoking topics. Keep up the good work!

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    1. I need to be as confident as you when it comes to my real life friends and blogging!

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  33. Lisa, I agree with EVERYTHING you said!! This is a great post! I feel so shallow and selfish when my hubby tries to tell a new friend that I have a blog! Ugh, I don't think they quite understand as they nod with a confused face and small smile! "Blogland" is a nice get away and hobby!! Some of my coworkers know about my blog - when I found that out, it initially limited what I wore and wrote about. Now, I'm just think, "to heck with it"!!

    BTW, love your outfit!

    xo, sam

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  34. love your pants! so colorful :)

    xx
    Yvette

    Come join my give-away!
    www.afashionhouseofcards.blogspot.com

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  35. Cute girl - those pants are such a great color! And I feel very silly about my blog when it comes to friends IRL - but not silly enough to stop, I feel like my girlfriends live in blog land, and I like hanging out with them :) Hope to be back in the loop, soon!

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  36. Cute outfit - as usual, you've put it all together to look both pretty and effortless!

    My blog is pretty much my little secret - or so I like to think. I agree it's self-indulgent, but it's a harmless self-indulgence that is fun and pleasant.

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  37. I love the color of those pants!
    I have to agree that my blog to me is almost like a secret life....most of my friends, coworkers know I blog, and most certainly don't get the need to blog about fashion! But this is MY creative outlet, one that I enjoy and plan to keep around!

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  38. I couldn't agree more with your response to a comment above...blogging or reading blogs about fashion and style is just as valid a hobby as gaming, watching the bachelor, or reading or cooking. I don't judge the friends in my life for what they choose to do with their free time, and feel they return the same respect back to me. The only time I get nervous is when I'm caught taking pics by the neighbors or my friends that live in my neighborhood. Like being caught with your pants down?!

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    1. I know what you mean about the pics. I've tried taking pics outside but I don't have a photog or even a tripod, so it's an exercise in awkwardness before a single photo is even taken!

      Delete
  39. love the pairing! but I do agree with you about blogging. I love to blog and read blogs as well. It is something I enjoy doing and takes away all my stress and craziness at work. I def enjoy blogging.

    Mary
    simplybeautifulyou.blogspot.com

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    1. It's kind of nice going somewhere where no one cares necessarily if I had a good or bad day at work - because that means I don't have to talk about it!

      Delete
  40. people who are close to me in real life surely don't read my blog :D

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  41. Cute outfit. Loving the shoes! Be honest on the internet is definitely easier than in person.

    http://myminibag.blogspot.com

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  42. I'm so behind in reading your blog...I don't know what happened. Anyways, I love your pants in these pics..it's so fresh and springy. I can't wait until it warms up and actually stays warm here in the south.

    I'm so glad that you wrote about this topic. I completely agree with you about the stigma of blogging. My day job is so opposite from my blog, but I created it for my own sanity. I was going through a rough patch with work and my personal life and my blog seriously lifted my spirits. When I was younger I wanted to pursue a career in fashion, but my mother did not approve. She made me question the successfulness of a fashion career, so I went on to pursue other ventures. This blog is perfect for me to express my creative side and still pursue a semi-fashion unpaid part-time career ;)

    I haven't told many people about this blog either. My mom and my sisters know that I blog and they are very supportive. I've mentioned it to a few of my close friends as well. And the ones that were interested in it visit my page as often as they can. And I'm totally fine with that. Recently, I told a few co-workers that I blog about fashion and they weren't surprised. However, I still haven't gotten the nerve to reveal the site to them. I hope that one day I'll feel comfortable enough to tell them, but until then I'll stick to my blogging friends for support.

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  43. Lisa thanks so much for this post. There are a lot of very judgemental people out there and I have experienced "behind-my-back" criticism from RL friends because of my blog. It's very unpleasant and I have certainly wished I had never even shared it with some of my friends in the first place.
    We are not solving the problems of the world by posting outfits but it is relaxing and enjoyable. My blog has helped me through some dark and challenging times just by being my happy place to go to, it is stress relief and a fun outlet and I believe contributes to my happiness. I can see that you feel the same!
    It's the community, it's awesome and for the most part completely positive.
    I love your outfits!!

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  44. Love love this outfit! Your coral pants are now on my spring wishlist.

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  45. I love the color combo of your shirt and pants! It's unexpected (for me) and looks great : )

    ...Lauren

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