20 February 2012

Batik with a Broom

I adore my BF, that is definitely no secret. There is so much good about him. Shoot, someday in the near future, we hope to get this whole "wedding" thing squared away so we can make things legal. But as much as I love BF, why don't the men in our lives just get it and change themselves to suit our needs?

Innocently whistle and stare up at the ceiling after that comment. Give things a beat.

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I've mentioned BF's "eclectic" method for not keeping things at home liveable before and we've have more than one argument passive aggressive comment conversation before about we both need to pull our weight around the house. But I still can't help but to be angry about the fact that in the world according to me I definitely pull a lot more than is my share at home.

I guess I should have paid more attention when BF and I first started dating. When BF had his own place, the man used a 55-gallon bin for his trash. He kept his clean clothes on top of his dryer and his dirties under the sink in the bathroom. He had marathon cleaning session about once a quarter. The back seat of his car could be neater. He has had the same bath robe for the last 10 years at least.

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I won't get into the details of what I do for the home everything versus what BF does the floors - except he doesn't. I've tried the whole not do anything deal and see if the BF catches wind of the mess and starts picking up. Problem with that is when the person you're trying to teach a lesson to has a vastly different idea of what is clean than you do, the deal does not work.

But let's face it, it's unfair for the BF to think that he could ever live up to my OCD expectations on home cleanliness. I can be manic. I like my laundry sorted before washing. I enjoy cooking - prepping food especially. I prefer the couch pillows fluffed and blankets folded. Bed sheets washed weekly and countertops clear and crust-free. Things generally put away in their proper places (yes, I live in a world where things do have their proper places).

How do you get the men in your lives to do anything close to their share of the house chores? Or at least have you ladies found a compromise on chores that works for you?

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We're expecting sunny, near 60 degree weather in the SE today, ladies, and after a weekend of chilly wetnes, I felt the uncontrollable urge to
break out my whiter than white legs again! So sadly pale - what would the Jersey Shore crew think ...

Top: J.Crew perfect boatneck (worn here - sim, sim, as dress)
Skirt: Edme & Esyllte by Anthropologie helios batik (worn here - sim, sim, maxi)
Belt: Anthropologie skinny weave (worn here - sim)
Bracelet: J.Crew golden stripe (sim, sim, as ring)
Ring: Banana Republic (sim)
Shoes: Michael Kors hamilton (worn here - simple, luxe, stacked)

55 comments:

  1. I love this pattern mixing! The print on your skirt is so pretty, it reminds me of peacock feathers. :)

    The hubby and I have had fights before about chores when I first moved in. We decided if the worst thing in our relationship was a dirty apartment, it really wasn't a big deal. A lot of the time we'll clean together. A big part of living together is about compromise and knowing that you're not going to see eye to eye on everything. Pick your battles!

    -Sharon
    The Tiny Heart

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    1. I try to pick my battles, but I'm out almost out of bath towels that aren't white mixed with some other color, haha!

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  2. Cute stripe top with high-waisted skirt! What a cute combo.

    Afraid to tell you that MEN DON'T CHANGE. They are a package and you can't pick what you like to keep and get rid of. I have given hopes of ever changing all these annoying habits of hubby of mine. I have voiced my opinions over and over again but they seem to go in one ear of his and out the other. So save my breathe and I will just do everything.

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    1. You must be so patient, girl. My man is the same way and most of the time I save my breathe but sometimes my "saved breathe" pot gets overfilled!

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  3. I would like to know the answers to those questions too. I'm not the cleanest person, but I atleast try to contain my messes to my own spaces.

    Here's one for you--using the washer as a hamper so when I'm ready to do laundry, I have to take all his crap out! DH claims that his siblings are bad about cleaning too because his parents weren't that great about it when they were growing up...so, none of them feel the need to change that pattern??? And now we have a baby, and I can't wait for the first time he says "daddy does it that way."

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    1. Oh Terrie, that last time had me busting out laughing!

      I don't think I'd mind it if BF kept his messes to his own spaces, like his office or something, but wherever he goes, it's like a explosion of stuff! Kitchen and living room are always littered with "I've been here" BF momentos like crumpled tissues, used glasses, receipts, empty plates ...

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  4. Hey there,
    Long time reader, first time commentor.

    We divide things up--think of other non cleaning things like taking out the trash, doing the yard, etc. Things not related to housework and think of those as his department. The guy can't clean but certainly he must do some things--putting gas in the car, going to the dry cleaners, home repairs, etc... This only works if he does other things without being nagged though. And the good news is that you obsolve him of the house chores(which it sounds like he would be relieved) and you can take a whole different set of things off of your list. We even give them funny names in our house like, facilities, housekeeping, chief operations officer, social chair, etc. We both take what we will doing willingly in exchange for not having to do the things we hate. We do help each other out in a pinch but let me tell you my husband will walk past a mountain of laundry because it is not his department and I blissfully pile up the recycling into the leaning tower of recycling and never dream of taking it out, lol

    It's sorta silly but it works for us!

    Love the blog, btw!!

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    1. Haha, I need to try that - maybe BF will be more apt to do something if I give him a fancy title along with it!

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  5. Is there any chance of getting a cleaning service to come in? I've used a few groupon deals and liked coming home to a clean house so much that I finally settled on one consistent company. They come twice a month and it is pretty reasonable. Just a thought...

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    1. Oh girl, we've definitely talked about that. BF's mom and big sis both get cleaning services to come in to do their homes so that's kind of what he's used to. But in my mind, home cleaning is just something you do, partly because I've never had one - I would totally be that gal who tidies up her house before the cleaning lady comes, if I had one!

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    2. I heartily second the cleaning service. We both work a lot and the cleaning lady makes it slightly less awful to load the dishes and do the laundry (cuz the boy doesn't do either) but at least I know that I'm not doing the bathroom and the carpet too (that would just bring way too much resentment) the boy walks the dog much more than I do, so that and the occasional taking out the trash accounts for his share of the household duties. somehow, it just works.

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    3. My hubby has the same idea of cleaning is just something you do. I believe the exact phrase is "you should never have more house than you can clean." However, since moving into our new house 2 years ago he has cleaned a toilet *once* because I sort of freaked out on him. Ever since then I have decided that if I am the one responsible for doing it, then I am going to take whatever actions necessary to balance my mental health and a clean house.

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    4. You ladies are right. Next time BF brings up getting a cleaning service, I'd be all for it if he looks into it and finds us a good one - ack, who am I kidding, I'd have to research the heck out of it myself! Yes, I am soooo OCD sometimes ...

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  6. I hate doing the fridge clean outs - I do the kitty box if he does that.

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    1. Oh I totally have to do the fridge clean outs. BF has no clue what's in there, he just enjoys piling new stuff on top of the old. If it's covered, it means it isn't there anymore, right? ;o)

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  7. Patrick is actually pretty good about sharing responsibilities. I often find that where I lack (outdoor stuff like shoveling snow or raking leaves or mowing the lawn), he makes up for. But sometimes I do feel overwhelmed. At that point, I take the total girl approach and cry and pout. It doesn't always work, but most of the time it does. I love your skirt Lisa!

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    1. This makes me wish we had a yard. Then I could just send BF to the back with a rake and a hose and tell him to have at it!

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  8. We're actually pretty good about sharing chores. And I love your skirt, its gorgeous!

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  9. First of all, that outfit is rockin' my world. Gorgeous combo! As far as chore/duties, I gotta say I might be the luckiest wife in the world b/c my husband more than pulls his weight. He's always shared the chores with me and when we had our twins, he got up with me during the night for feedings, changed diapers, etc. There's nothing that I do that he *doesn't* do. I'm very, very lucky. <3

    http://bestdressedinthenest.tumblr.com

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    1. I'm glad we don't have kids because one thing I know for sure BF does not do, and that is wake up after falling asleep at night. Man sleeps like the dead! The pup has stomped all over his chest before in a fit of needing to go out in the middle of the night, and all BF does is roll over!

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  10. Great pattern mixing here, I can't wait for spring (or just bare leg temps). The belt is the perfect way to break up the two patterns and it works perfectly with your shoes.

    The BF and I share the majority of the housework. I hate dishes (we don't have a dish washer) so he'll do those while I take care of the laundry and making the bed. Of course there are times when I slack or when he slacks but we try to keep things even. Maybe if you kept track of every thing you do in a day, week, house wise and then shared it with your BF it would put things in perspective? A lot of the time men have a way of conveniently missing the little details.

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    1. I think the weather man lied about today's temps. It so does not feel like 60 degrees outside! I'm staying snuggly warm inside my office!

      I'm scared of making a list because I have little doubt between us, it'll turn into some sort of passive aggressive argument, d'oh!

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  11. Oh man Lisa - I hear you - in a way. I do have some (perfectly reasonable) expectations of my hubby and after 8 years of being together, why doesn't he just do things the way I want them done. But it's hard to me to complain (although I find a way) because he does more than his fair share of the chores (in his own special way) and he does ALL the cooking, so I have to keep my big mouth shut. Difficult, but that's relationships I guess.
    Anyway, I love batik, I picked up a bunch of fabric and scarves when I was in Indonesia, here's a sample: http://natashafatah.blogspot.com/2011/11/lombok-indonesia.html

    xoxo
    www.natashafatah.blogspot.com

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    1. BF has tried to cook, he really has. But last time he cooked, he made one of his fave single guy home meals, which was corn bread with beans. You crumble up the corn bread, ladle the beans over them, throw on some chopped onions and drown it in ketchup. Seriously. No, really, seriously.

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  12. The skirt definitely reminds me of peacock feathers :) Really intricate :)

    katattack2000.wordpress.com

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  13. I love this skirt on you!! I have the same skirt but haven't had a chance to wear it yet, so thank you for the inspiration! I love the way you styled it, you look so elegant!! (love your hair swept to the side too!!)

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    1. I had to get this skirt hemmed because I'm short. I'd love to see how you style this skirt though!

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  14. My roommate and I take turns talking to each other while the other one cleans. I'll sit on her bed and knit while she's cleaning up her room, and then she'll sit on my bed and Facebook while I clean mine. We both *want* to clean, but talking to each other is always more fun. This method serves both purposes.

    :) Jen

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    1. Oh yeah, my living situation was much better in the cleanliness area back in the when I had a roomie vs. live-in BF.

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  15. The Mr. is competent at certain housekeeping duties (cooking, laundry) but I've decided to take over others. For instance, I figured out that when he says "I tried to clean that stain (in the sink, shower) but it didn't come off" that really means he poured bleach on it but did no scrubbing. So I clean the sinks and shower. I also wash dishes, because otherwise the Mr. would keep piling dirty dishes in the sink until he runs out of clean bowls and plates.
    The stripes look great with the batik! :)

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    1. Yeah, BF would run us out of every single plate, cup, fork without batting an eye. Then he'd move on to the paper and plastics and then maybe consider washing dishes after he's run himself out of paper towels.

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  16. Love the skirt! and the post is adorable. When my husband and I moved in together it was a battle as he is the messiest person I know and I like things tidy. Through the years - I've gotten more patience and he has helped out (a little) bit more. Just takes some compromise, but overall since I'm the one that cares about it I probably do 80% of the cleaning.

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  17. hi i love your blog!!im your newest follower
    kisses from prague and seattle
    you can see my blog too, if you have some time:)

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  18. I love that skirt, the print is absolutely amazing! I am a single girl and my condo is white...white walls, white carpet, white couch. It is not very man friendly...and I think it sends just the message that I want...No Slobs Please...

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  19. LOL! I feel like you just described my life story. My husband is still not the tidiest of creatures (okay, he's not tidy at all), but I basically tell him when he needs to do something for me. But that only works at the right times and when I need something done now, not in the indefinite future. And then after he helps I praise him like a 3-year-old gets praised for eating their broccoli, and that seems to help (a little). Of course, I have tried reasoning, passive aggressive comments, complaining, etc., but none of the aforementioned have worked up to this point. So, good luck... hehe. Cute outfit by the way!

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    1. Maybe I need to set up a chore chart on the frig and BF can earn stars and TV time for every chore he does, haha!

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  20. and of course men believe that gadgets and appliances work, so the rug only gets a tickle -- whattaya mean the rug's still dirty? I ran the vacuum . Why are you wiping the counter, I just ran a sponge over it (translation: he held the spong near some of it). Etc, etc. Grrr.

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    1. The one chore BF is knowingly responsible for is washing the floors - except he hasn't done so in ages and when he does, he just kind of swipes the mop AROUND obstacles like shoes, tables, that piece of paper that has accidentally fallen ...

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  21. Good questions! I've been asking myself the same questions for the past 13 years if marriage! I think it's something impossible - I mean to have men do any housework! Although...I have heard of a few breeds who actually DO do something around the house here and there. Too bad my man isn't that kinda breed...:(

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    1. I have a guy friend who is one of those rare ones who keeps a tidy home. He had his then-GF move in a while ago and she was a complete slob - it so did not work out!

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  22. After 20+ years we seem to have reached a point of compromise: he does the floors, and then does some of the outside stuff (lawns, raking leaves, etc) while I do the dusting, laundry, and other indoor activities. He has a penchant for taking his shoes off and leaving them in the living room, which doesn't sound so bad except in the middle of the night I'd trip over these obstacles in the dark on the way to the kitchen for a glass of water or the like ... ugh! I finally decided that instead of seething with resentment I'd pick up his shoes and put them away - accepting that my standards are higher in that area than his.

    To his credit, he's picked up on some of my compulsively-tidy ways over the years and occasionally puts things away. I knew I'd made inroads when he cleaned out the refrigerator one day - woo hoo!

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    1. I want to say that BF is making some improvements, but literally just last night, he opens the frig, makes a face and a comment that something smells bad in there and he thinks he knows what it is. Then he closes the frig and walks away like nothing's happened. So ... obviously I need to locate and toss out the offending frig item?!

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  23. My husband is more like you and I'm more like your BF. Having said that...my husband gets so much anxiety if things aren't in proper order (counters should not only be clean, they should have nothing on them--not even the coffee maker, toaster blender, etc). He works long hours so I just do my best to keep things clean enough so he doesn't have a panic attack when he walks through the door. I will probably never clean to his standards, but I have definitely put in a lot of effort to make sure there are no dishes in the sink, no unfolded laundry, and that the floors have been swept/vacuumed at least once a day. He appreciates the effort and I appreciate him not being a stress ball.

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    1. I know I am OCD about the house especially in comparison with the BF, but I have to admit that BF's brother-in-law is probably full blown OCD! He used to have to have even the liquid soap in the little pump bottles always full - I mean always!

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  24. You are good to be noticing things now :) I am lucking to have a husband who helps out a lot around the house. However, he isn't nearly as OCD as me. I am always throwing things away because I can't stand clutter (sometimes I accidentally throw important things away). I love a spotless house. We've really had to communicate about things like that. Sometimes men don't get how a messy house can affect your mood! I tell him that it drives me nuts to see his gym clothes on the floor (yuck) or when he leaves his plate in the sink (why not go the extra step and put it in the dishwasher??). LOL But I know I do a lot of things that drive him nuts, too ;)

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    1. Yeah, I don't want folks thinking that BF is all wrong and I'm Miss Perfect around here, I am soooo not! But you are totally right about how cleanliness can affect your mood. Sometimes it's really busy at work and I just don't have the want-to to keep up with cleaning during the week. Now does BF typically pick up where I slack off? No ... so here comes the weekend and in the show-all light of Saturday morning, I just feel like I am surveying a mass of mess while BF still snoozes - and that does NOT make for a good time!

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  25. I've been married a whopping 10 minutes (ok, slightly longer) and, sadly, my man works out of state. He is home on the weekends where he dumps his laundry, leaves piles in his "man cave"/office, and has yet to tackle dishes. However, as he's gone so much I find this quirky and not (yet) irritating. I'd rather do the cleaning and washing up and have it the way I prefer than to hound him on the few days he's home to clean it up my way.

    That's probably not all that helpful of advice, as BF does not--I assume--work out of state.

    xox

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    1. No, my BF doesn't, but I would be just like you and way more forgiving about his bad habits if he were gone a lot, because who wants to be stuck doing chores during the few precious moments off and together!

      Oh that must be rough to have your man gone a lot. I get homesick and flustered whenever I have to go away on a biz trip, even if it is just for like two days!

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  26. i LOVE your style! Batik is one of my favorite look of all time! (I'm Indonesian after all ^_^)

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  27. I throw hints, more hints and another hint. Most of the time he gets tired of the side eye and heavy gasp of breath...lol He's pretty clean and picks up after himself so I don't really worry about our place getting super messy.

    Love the mix of patterns in the look especially the print on your skirt.

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    1. My dude will pile his dirty socks up on our armchair in the bedroom - with the hamper not three feet away from it. Or worse, he'll pile up his dirties on the floor right next to the hamper! I love BF, but sometimes ...

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  28. Lisa, get a maid. It was addressed up top. Make sure it's an ugly one though. HAHAHA Your skirt is absolutely GORGEOUS!
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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  29. I have to admit that I am somewhat of a slob. My hubby actually does 95% of the cooking and probably 75% of the cleaning. I am a terrible cook and honestly, he would rather do the cooking himself so that we have something decent to eat:) As far as cleaning goes, a clean house is just not at the top of my priorities list. It seems more important to him, so he cleans more. This has been the source of quite a few arguments and it is something I am working on.

    Love the skirt! What great colors!

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  30. Almost 15 years with my man, and God love him, he does his best. But really...he just doesn't get the whole keeping things orderly. So I make myself chill out and turn a blind eye to clutter on the counters and bedroom dresser so I don't resent him while I madly clean it all up every night. NOT WORTH IT! I love this paperbag waisted skirt on you. Love the whole outfit. Need your legs, pronto!

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