29 November 2011

Free to Be You and Me

I think it is pretty plain to note that the vast majority of us in the style blogging community – or heck, bloggers across the board – dislike less-than-complimentary comments showing up on a blog, whether it be to one of our own posts or to a blog we frequent.

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Sometimes the comment is meant to be constructive and is there to correct a point. Sometimes it is there to offer a different opinion about a topic. Sometimes it can be pointlessly hurtful. But everyone has the right to their own opinion and it is totally acceptable that we don’t all think or feel the same way about everything. Right?

For each blogger – and let’s take sponsors and advertisers out of this scenario – it is really their own place to decide on the content of their blog and how things are represented. But does (or should) that level of control also pertain to post comments? (i.e., the place where readers are invited to voice their opinions and thoughts?)

I think we’ve all seen bloggers react in a wide variance of ways over negative feedback – some don’t seem to mind anything and leave every single comment (good, bad, other) up on their blog; others choose to call out their nay-sayers in future posts and potential turn them into blog fodder; others pretty much delete everything that sounds even remotely non-complimentary.

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My personal take (solely based off my (in)experience as a part-time style blogger who likes to keep things light) is that I should leave comments as open as I can for each post. Sure someone may not like my shoes or think Christian Bale is stupid though who would think like that … but that’s their opinion and that is perfectly fine to me. Does it sting a bit when someone mentions that something I adore isn't the most flattering on me? Well, sure. Would I (or have I) deleted any comments before? Yes … random advertisers mostly, and the odd pointlessly hurtful hateful comment (because there are a load more reasons to dislike me in this world that for me simply being born asian - let's be more creative here, and let's get back to my sale haul).

So yes, for me personally, I don't like the idea of comment-sensoring so much that it is all unicorns and rainbows every single day. I also don't like the idea of calling out a comment, because I think it draws unnecessary attention to the negative - but if someone really decided to incite me one day, then who knows ...

Do you think post comments should be a "free" place? For you bloggers, do you determine if specific feedback isn’t “constructive” to your blog? And as a reader, what do you consider before deciding to comment?

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Jacket: Boden fringed tweed (worn here - sim here, here, pricy here)
Top: J.Crew sequin boatneck (worn here - sim here, here, sim-ish but heart-y here)
Jeans: J.Crew bootcut (worn here - sim here, here)
Shoes: Boutique 9 via Anthropologie botanist heeled (worn here - same on sale here, sim suede here)
Necklace: Anthropologie gold finger (worn here - sim-ish here, delicate pricy here)
Brooch: Blinkeye via Etsy

26 comments:

  1. I haven't had to deal with any negativity on my blog yet, but I also tend to stick to light and fluffy subjects. I do want to have an open ended forum though to allow for discussion, so I do not censor my comments. Like you though, I am not sure what would happen if someone went all crazy on my blog, then I might have to take another approach? It is hard to know until we are in that place.

    Love the tweed with the sequins, sparkles and classic :)

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  2. I love your outfit, and how you put together the glitzy with the jeans, it looks fantastic!

    I think people tend to be a lot bolder when they're not face to face, and tend to be more rude than complimentary, or at least helpful. I personally follow the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" rule. Unless you as the blogger are asking for opinions because you genuinely don't know how something looks on you. Then it's much more open!

    Jenn

    passengerseatperspectives.blogspot.com

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  3. Great outfit Lisa, so sparkly and festive, getting me ready for some upcoming holiday parties! Not that I'm planning to show up in jeans, but still, you catch my drift ;)

    You bring up an important topic worth discussing. There will be people (trolls as they call 'em) who just bounce around leaving negative trails, just cause, and there are those who may leave a not-so-positive comment if they're passionately responding to what the blogger has posted. In my opinion, it usually a response to the blogger's content. I think you can tell when someone is just being plain mean, and in that case, delete the fool!, or trying to provide another perspective. If someone where to write on my blog that something I'm wearing that day doesn't flatter, I can't get mad, it's a style blog after all! If that individual is motivated by looking out for me, then share away, but if someone just wants to instigate, not worth my time or energy.

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  4. Beautiful flower pin! :) Liking the tweed + sparkles as well.
    So far I haven't had to deal with negative comments, but I think comments should be as open as possible. On the other hand, I've seen bloggers whose readers use the comment area to bash another blogger. While some of the comments were constructive and well-thought-out, others were just mean & petty. The issue they were discussing may be valid, but I think it should be handled directly by the 2 bloggers.

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  5. i haven't gotten any negative comments yet ... but i guess if it was more in the form of constructive criticism then i wouldn't be as bothered if say someone just said "you look bad".

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  6. Lisa, give me that jacket!!!! I can't help but love tweedy goodness. I love the big flower touch.
    I have managed to get commenters that are respectful and don't leave mean or critical remarks. I don't think I would sensor either unless it is totally out of line since everyone is entitled to an opinion.

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  7. Lisa. Oh how I've missed you and your blog. I see, you are still gorgeous and stylish as ever. :)

    I've been "lucky" enough to not have received any negative or rude comments, but I think if I did receieve any, I wouldn't sensor/delete the comment.. or even call the person out on it. I agree that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Unless the comment is something that is truly hurtful, I'd probably just brush it off.

    I hope you've been well, here's to a great week! Can't believe Nov is almost gone. :(

    xx Love & Aloha

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  8. I subscribe to the old saying that if you can't say anything nice, you shouldn't say anything at all. I think it's okay for a blog commenter to state an opinion, even if that opinion is that the garment or outfit isn't flettering. I don't mind people disagreeing with my choices and it usually doesn't stop me from making them because I know what I like and everyone's taste is different. Just being negative without a constructive content is a different category.

    Having said that, I never make comments that are not positive. The other day I visited a blog where the blogger posted a Polyvore set for an office party outfit. The skirt was 15" long. I was about to post that a skirt length like that is just not appropriate for an event where your boss, supervisor and coworkers are going to be. Then I decided it sounded judgmental and didn't do it.

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  9. Hello. I am new to your blog. I hate your outfit. Sike, that was a joke. Anyway, I dont really care what anyone has to say. and if you put yourself out there for the world to see, then you have to expect for some/all to have their opinions. I dont monitor the comments. You can post a comment on my blog when you like...I dont need to approve it beforehand...AND you dont even have to type in those stupid words that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

    I think that if you are going to comment on someone's blog, then you should be sincere. and hopefully the honesty is one of a good comment and if not, that you are able to take constructive criticism, in my opinion. I just say bring it on to all the haters. they make me stronger (do they?...hmmm...lol). When I comment on someone’s blog, I am finding things that I like and comment on that. If there is something I don’t like that you have on, that’s my opinion and it stays in my head. Hell, we don’t have to like the same thing so who am I to tell you that shirt is ugly or your shoes don’t go with that? Hope I have rambled enough to help :) Ta ta.

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  10. I have been very fortunate in this area. I am much like you wherein I leave all the comments on my page. HOWEVER, there was one commenter who liked to frequently leave objectively hurtful things on my blog. At first, I thought they were trying (i.e. failing) to be funny, but then they got really personal. For instance, I had a dress sent to me by a website and the commenter put on my blog "shopping on someone else's dime again, huh? WHAT A SURPRISE." I almost couldn't believe it. So I decided to "ignore" them on my blog and block their IP address. Also, I wrote them a snarky email back asking them if they really had nothing better to do with their time. I have not heard a peep from them since.

    For me, I can't imagine anyone would have negative things to say about you or your blog. Obviously, I don't know you in real life, but your outfits are great, your posts are often funny and/or thought provoking and this is one of my favorite reads. So, bad comments or not, keep up the good work girl!

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  11. P.S. to be honest...one time I said to someone that I didnt like the shoes she wore with some jeans. I felt so guilty the next day (yes, it took me that long) and I finally wore the same color jeans with the same color shoes to make myself feel better - and guess what, I like it now :)

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  12. Thankfully, I have yet to receive a comment I feel needs deleting. Like you, it'll take a lot for me to feel that way. Don't like my outfit? Fine. Hate me because I'm a jew? getting deleted.
    i love your jacket and that flower pin btw!
    www.saysskippy.blogspot.com

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  13. I totally agree with you. I 100% think that comments should be an open forum. It's our responsibility as the blogger to know that from time to time someone is going to say something that we don't always agree with. It's inevitable.

    However, as a commenter, we should also understand that regardless of how open that blogger wants you to be, of course they have feelings and just be aware of it.

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  14. I think it depends on what is said...there is voicing an opinion, and then there is outright purposefully being mean. If the latter is the case, I think It's ok to delete

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  15. I'm pretty inexperienced with this myself in that I have maybe only gotten like 1 negative comment on my blog ever. And I didn't remove it because I agree that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Now, if things got nasty I might rethink it. And when I comment on a blog I usually stay away from any controversial debates within the comments because it's not really my cup of tea. I like to focus on why I visited the blog in the first place, and that's usually the clothes. Speaking of which, I really wish I could pull off bootleg or flare jeans with heels like you do. It's just such a flattering and put together look. Love as always!

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  16. Such a great topic and glad you brought it up! Without writing pages upon pages about this....While I am not a huge fan of censorship, sometimes it is necessary. I love what skippysays said - if you don't like my shoes, fine - but if you don't like my religion, delete.

    My blog is my little piece of internet heaven, and I decide the tone and message I send out into the world. If you (or I or anyone) wants their little piece of internet heaven to only be rainbows and puppy dogs, then they have that right.

    I love the blazer and pin :)

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  17. If it was constructive it stays. If it's deliberately hateful/mean etc. I'd delete it.
    Very cute outfit. I like the brooch :.

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  18. heh...internet trolls- such a funny mental picture! Did you see this awesome onion article?
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-decoy-website-launched-to-lure-away-all-moroni,26393/

    Love the tweed and stripes!!

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  19. Hey Lisa! Looking LOVELY GIRL!!!! I only delete comments asking for money etc. I promote feedback from my readers, but my fashion blog is a little different because I'm hardly doing any personal outfit posts but showcasing designers and such. So I haven't been affected. Comments about a person's race etc is so unacceptable. You want to take it down (and if it's anonymous) I would, but I would leave it up FOR ALL TO SEE RECOGNIZE THE BLOG IT COMES FROM. I wouldn't bother including them in one of my posts. It's a waste of space, when something more POSITIVE could be there. That's my take on it all. With that said, you are looking awesome. Love that jacket, sequined striped top and jean outfit! Just like your flower, you are peachy keen jellybean! Continue being you and if you need any support of any kind I'm here for you. I adore your personality, post and demeanor. Love it! Have a wonderful evening. :D
    http://sassyuptownchic.blogspot.com/

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  20. I think it's a sad truth that the internet has made people think they can say whatever they want with impunity. I understand the urge to say what's on your mind, but if you just take one moment to realize that your comment is directed towards a REAL person (one who likely cried as a result), no one would post such horrible things. I haven't been blogging long enough to get these kinds of comments yet, but I'm not looking forward to the day. I think you just have to keep in mind the things our moms told us in grade school: "They're only picking on you because they hate themselves." Maybe they really don't like your outfit, but they admire that you have the guts to post about it.

    PS: I'm new to your blog, I came over from Complex Cardigans, but I LOVE the jacket and pin, so lady-like!

    Kelly @ FashionorFiction

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  21. I don't moderate comments, but thankfully, I haven't had any serious negative/mean comments. I'm all for constructive criticism but if a comment is left to insult or be mean to a person's being, then that's not cool. Say what you want about an outfit or express an opinion, but it's important to be adult about it.

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  22. My favorite part of your outfit is your giant Carrie Bradshaw flower :)

    Fortunately my blog is so under the radar that I only get random spam and nothing negative. I find when going to other people's blogs, if I don't have anything nice to day, I don't say anything at all. I wonder why a person would go to a blog if they didn't like the content - why waste your time that way?

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  23. Lisa...You look simply ravishing. I have loved that Boden jacket since the day it appeared! You totally rock it! And thanks for introducing me to Brooch Makers on Etsy! Had to go over and add it to my faves. Thanks so much for treating my blog with a guest post. =)
    Kristina J.

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  24. Luckily I haven't had to deal with negative comments yet since my blog has a small readership. I think I would let all constructive comments through, and only delete comments that didn't add anythign to the discussion (i.e., silly ad hominem attacks).

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