Have you guys heard of this new show on the Style Network called Momster of the Bride? The title pretty much tells it all – moms and daughters “duke it out” over all aspects of planning the daughter’s wedding. In the five minutes of one episode that I watched, the mom totally tries to dictate everything about her daughter’s wedding – even down to wanting her to wear the same dress she wore at her wedding, specifically because mom “had to wear it and so it’s tradition.” I had to change the channel – it was kind of horrific.
Which totally had me wondering – OK, secretly panicking – about what it would be like for me to plan my big day. Would I turn into a bridezilla? Would laid-back mom suddenly become a “traditions” dictator? Would sweet big sis become an opinionated meddler? Would BF’s mom demand a specific venue? Would BF’s sister expect her kids to be in the wedding? And on and on those thoughts go tumbling out …
As you all know, I’m officially spoken for now, but BF and I have made it clear to our families and friends that there will be no wedding planning going on this year (so we have a few months of respite). Honestly I’ve never been one of those girls who has that day already planned out – I am terrified at the thought of looking at, much less trying on dresses; I have no ideas about “wedding colors”; I don’t want to pick linens, songs, seating charts. I am not sure where and how to even get things started, I’m not even sure of all that I’m “supposed to do” and I kind of just want all the details to be done for me – but, I know, then OCD Lisa would be up the wall with someone else making my decisions.
So help me out here, married and engaged gals, how you did go about starting your wedding planning? How did you manage to plan your vision of the perfect big day and still be respectful of the wishes of loved ones?
And single / dating ladies, do you have your big day planned out in your head already?
And single / dating ladies, do you have your big day planned out in your head already?
Top: Zara animal print (sim here)
Skirt: Talbots washed silk full (worn here - sim here, as dress here)Belt: H&M (sim here, here)
Bracelet: F21 studded (sim here)
Shoes: Seychelles via Anthro raines aka ring in the new year (worn here - sim here, solid here)
(FYI, I am going to be a bit blog-absent over the next week - back-to-back-to-back biz trips await!)
Oh, Lisa! It's crazy planning for a wedding. All the decisions that have to be made. Best money spent: hiring a wedding planner. If you can swing it, hire one. I had the greatest one ever and she made my life TONS easier because 11 weeks before my wedding, I fell off my crazy horse and I BROKE MY ANKLE. Like...I had to go the hospital, have emergency surgery, stay there for 4 days and spend 9.5 weeks off my feet, broke my ankle. My wedding planning was happening like 500 miles away and luckily, I had my wedding planner and my mom to pick up some of the slack. I was too depressed/hopped up on meds to really, REALLY be as involved as I wanted to. AND, I had the most beautiful wedding ever. Sure, I limped down the aisle and the cake wasn't EXACTLY as I had pictured, but at the end of the day, it didn't matter. I got married. And everybody had an awesome time.
ReplyDeleteI guess the bottom line is...get help from someone you TRUST. You can make all the big decisions, but help is GREAT. And, I'm not going to pretend my mom and I didn't fight like cats and dogs over it either, but it all ends the moment you say, "I Do." It's par for the course.
There's something to be said about eloping. :) I used to have an idea of my big day when I was in my 20s, but now that I'm older and I've been with my fiance for 12 years now, having a big wedding is not important to us. We'll either end up at City Hall one day or have a very, very small wedding (like 20 people :)).
ReplyDeleteLove your outfit too!
The show sounds like it should have featured my mom and mother-in-law. My wedding was totally hijacked ... so my biggest advice to you is not to be afraid to verbally punch people in the face and tell them to back off because the day is about you and your fiance ... you'll regret not taking control early on for a very long time. I know ... both families continue to walk all over me even when I try to put my foot down. Your wedding will set a precedence of who you are ... whether you have some big royal-style wedding or decide to go to city hall.
ReplyDeleteBe true to yourself and your future husband ... and everything will work out.
I think it really depends on what you really care about. When I got married, I spoke to my florist once and everything was fine. It's helpful if you keep an inspiration folder filled with pictures of things that catch your eye so you have a better idea of what you would like your wedding to look like. I'm sure other brides agonize about the perfect bouquet, but that wasn't a big priority. I was more concerned about the food and the cake...lol.
ReplyDeleteOne regret that I do have is skimping out on the photography package. Photos are the one thing that you'll have to remember your big day, so I really do regret having mostly posed pics. These gorgeous photojournalistic shots that I see today are wonderful, but when I got married ten years ago, they weren't as popular.
It was tricky with following our parents' wishes, but it was fine in the end. Sure, we ended up doing the traditional Korean ceremony at midnight, but our parents had a great time and it was pretty funny. Drama is what you make of it (or let people make of it). =)
As I get older my idea of the perfect wedding has changed to something more intimate and low key. I don't know if I really care about the big wedding really, I just want to throw a good party.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the planning though when you get around to it. I can imagine how daunting it must be, but I think you'll do great at it and end up having a beautiful day.
Wedding planning can be fun or crazy, depending on what you want to do. I found it to be just fine. I was on a tight budget, so that made it a bit more difficult, but overall, it was fine. People who normally freak out, will freak out. People who don't, will help you and be wonderful. The bottom line is...it is YOUR wedding. Do what you and your BF want...no one else matters. Enjoy the process. It is whatever you make it to be.
ReplyDeleteLOL I can defintely see how wedding planning can be stressful, I loved it despiste some of the stresses. I think if you are kind of a perfectionist then no matter what you will be stressed. I knew what I want and I was particular but I didn't expect everything to be "perfect". I was told by my cousin (my maid of honor" that my sister in law bridesmaid was more high maintenance than I was LOL!
ReplyDeleteAlso, try not to expect too much from family and friends - which can be hard to do but if you expect them to treat your day as important as it is to you, you will be disappointed. I have so many stories I could share with you if you want email me :P Included someone dropping OUT of my wedding party and family fights going on in the background. And despite it all I still enjoyed it. I even want more of my friends to have events that I can plan hahahaha!
I planned my gorgeous (I'm biased, sue me) vineyard wedding this past March in about 7 weeks. Just focus on what's important to you and your guy. Monogrammed everything, matchy matchy, THESE flowers or bust ... none of those things are going to make or break your day. Keep it simple and the essence of what a wedding should represent will shine through.
ReplyDeleteAnd keep a notebook. That's super helpful.
Your skirt is so pretty. I'm a married woman of 8 years. If I could do my wedding over I would. I felt like nothing was exactly what I wanted and I made decisions based on what was the cheapest because someone didn't want to fork out the money to make my wedding beautiful. I'm still bitter about it.
ReplyDeleteLOL oh god grab a seat. we got engaged in late march and we took a few weeks to just enjoy and not think about it. i was thinking sept/oct would be a great time for a wedding since that's the best weather here in SF.
ReplyDeletei targeted sept 8, but somehow FMIL persuaded us to change the date to august 11 (11 is my fave number, to be honest). she was pushing me to pick my dream venue which would've put us 20K over budget and wants it to be a jewish wedding.
ultimately, FH laid down the law. she's getting better but i just started somewhere - ie, our venue. we picked our date based on what they had available and she has to deal with it (she had an opinion on aug 11, too....). she did, however, offer to pay for the more expensive photographer and i'm okay with that.
just... do what YOU guys want and what makss YOU happy. its your day.
I don't know much (ok, anything) about wedding planning. However, I have seen momster of the bride and it is terrifying!!!! I've seen the one you are talking about. That mom was insane! Also insane is your fantastic leopard print blouse and fun cobalt skirt. So cute!
ReplyDeleteI was pretty lucky in that I didn't have a "dream wedding" in mind. I'm glad there wasn't all that much pressure. I didn't spend a lot -- about $2,500, including the custom-made wedding dress and dinner and an open bar. Of course, I was in the Midwest and it was the mid-'90s. One thing that helped is that my groom was in his 40s and I was in my late 20s, and we paid for it on our own. Oh, and my family was 1,800 miles away as well.
ReplyDeleteLIsa - You look exceptional! Loving this whole outfit and I love leopard. The belt and skirt are fantastic with it.
ReplyDeleteAs for wedding planning, do what makes you happy ;) my hubby and I had a destination wedding and loved it. 50 people that took a week off and we got to spend the whole week celebrating. Remember it all when you do start planning and remember to relax.
I was in college when I got married and my parents paid for everything, therefore I think I handed over way too much control. If I was to get married at a later age and paying for it myself -- I think I would just lay it on the line and do what I wanted!
ReplyDeleteAs for a place to get started -- they have tons of bridal magazines, etc. A fun place to look is weddinggawker.com -- they have links to blogs about all kinds of weddings. Kinda fun.
Animal print and blue...very cute, will file this away for future use! Oh, and we paid for our own wedding, so the control was all ours.
ReplyDeleteI love how your put bold colors to work!! This outfit looks great on you!!
ReplyDeleteGreat outfit. I planned our wedding in less than 6 weeks and bought my dress the day before the wedding! It was small and fun and we're still married 15 years later - so I guess it worked out :)
ReplyDeletePut the money into your home and family, and very little into the wedding. Jay and I didn't have a wedding, and looking back, it was one of the best decisions we ever made. We re-newed our vows at 15 years married, and it was more perfect than anything we could have done when we first got married. (Just my little thoughts...)
ReplyDeleteCute shirt! The leopard print is so cute with the blue.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to check out Offbeat Bride ... it really shows how different people, with different budgets and visions, create a wedding that suits them. :)
Adorable outfit! Honestly, luckily my family and friends and all of my husband's family and friends were pretty great about being laid back and letting us call the shots. I am a major people pleaser though, so if someone did express an opinion I often felt i had to do what they wanted because I'm no good at saying no. But that's really on me. Hit me up when you're starting to plan and I'll be more than happy to share tips with you-- it's only been a bit over a year so it's still all pretty fresh in my mind :)
ReplyDeleteI saw a bit of that show too! I felt so bad for the bride! (and I may or may not have a mental argument w/my mom for being so bossy in my imagination)
ReplyDeleteI am already married (eloped) but hubs and I are slowly planning a small reception to celebrate with our closed ones. Mom has been very dictator-like but I've stood my ground (since we're paying for it ourselves it'ssomewhat easier to tell her she's welcome to give advice but she should consider herself more like a guest than my wedding planner)
It's also easier for us since in Chile (where I'm from and where we're having the catholic ceremony) there is not a bridal party tradition, itsjust the couple so you don't have to feel guilty about including some and not others.
I do think that you'll figure it out and with time all those decisions will come naturally and fall into place (maybe compromise on little details not so important to you)
Best of luck planning, it has it fun moments! :)
You look great, as always. I love that blouse you are rocking:)
ReplyDeleteI am getting married in 2 weeks. I initially just wanted to have a courthouse wedding, but we quickly learned how important it was to our family that they be there. So, we are having a very low-key, laid back BBQ/Party wedding. I think it's important to remember that you don't have to do the whole linens/seating chart/wedding colors thing if you don't want to. You have so many different options and the event can be anything from a picnic to a potluck, to a huge elaborate dinner. I think our families are so excited that we are having an event (instead of going to the courthouse), they really haven't been demanding in any way and they are very respectful of our decisions. Of course, I have been very honest with them as well - if they offer up a suggestion or idea that I/we don't like, I just let them know that, instead of trying to do something I don't want to, just to make them happy. I will say that even my low-key event has turned out to be much bigger than I expected and the planning involved is more intense than I thought it would be. Overall, I am just trying to not get too worked up about any of it. I have put quite a bit of time and effort into it over the last couple of months, so at this point I have the "it is what it is" attitude. I know that some things are not going to be perfect and that's okay - I really just want to enjoy the day. I'll let you know how that goes......
I hope your business trips go well:)
Love the leopard print/blue skirt combo!
ReplyDeleteI avoided all things traditional in the beginning and did my best to keep people off my back. I ended up making my own wedding planning binder, which helped immensely. I quickly got over feeling like a cheeseball about it. I was a diy bride in many ways and had so much fun crafting. As far as people changing -- the ppl you think will be really cool may not be. And people you think will act a fool, actually do really well and aren't irritating. I guess it helped that we paid for almost everything, so I didn't have to yield to many opinions. I definitely had a good time, so when you're in it - just dive in. It can be really fun.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the midst of wedding planning mode. The best advice I can give is to not sweat the small stuff. Once our big vendors are booked, we are letting them handle the work.
ReplyDeleteI want to be focused on having a happy marriage and not fighting about DIY table numbers or something crazy.
Oh, and yes, everybody will have an opinion. I am getting really good at the smile & nod.
I think you have to first decide budget and then cut it in half and use that half for food/venue. Decide venue first because it dictates all other choices. Try to have a vision... I get all itchy when I go to wedding that looks like a scrapbook of decisions. that might make me sound bitchy but It's true. Decide your non negotiables right away and say no to everything else and once you make a decision, don't look back. It's so easy to get caught up in the millions of choices.lastly, have fun, I enjoyed planning my wedding because I'm a planner by nature and love lists, etc. I also have no problem saying "no" to people so I lost very little sleep. Knowing I had full control was great because I knew I would get the job done so to speak :)
ReplyDeleteI love the dark camel colors with your blue skirt!!
ReplyDeleteI've been with my bf for almost 5 years...and we talk about the future and how it would be nice to be engaged 26-year olds, but that's still 3 years away. I also want to be able to have a fun wedding where I'm not pinching pennies, and we're not financially even close to that yet. The only things I really think about are: a song, because we pretty much already have one; season (fall or spring, so stereotypical); and that I probably don't want a traditional dress, because I like to keep things interesting.
Other than that, I'm content to let it go until I need to plan, but I'm also wary of other people's opinions about our big day.
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteIf you aren't the type that planned your wedding years in advance long before you met Mr. Right...
...here are 13 ways to plan a wedding in six weeks.
1. Elope with your respective kids.
2. Trust a great Hotel to plan everything for you.
3. Take your Mother shopping with you for THE DRESS.
4. Don't expect to find THE DRESS. It doesn't exist.
5. Expect tears when Mom realizes she won't see you get married in THE DRESS...that is so much better than you dreamed.
6. Change plans to include Parents.
7. Don't allow your Mother anywhere near you with a Hot Glue Gun before the wedding.
8. Let go and relax while the Hotel Staff directs your big day.
9. Put Kleenex in his Rented Jacket. Reach for Kleenex during ceremony to find none. He thought they were used.
10. Believe it when a little girl says you look like a Princess.
11. Sick Photographers make for a comical Photo Session as you are verbal posed in the Lobby as Hotel Guests look on.
12. A giant X-mas Tree is the perfect solution to your decorating nightgmares.
13. Even if the next Seven years are not what you expected, those cherished memories will last a Lifetime.
Laura
I've been a part of a few weddings and have seen what my friends have gone through. So as a result, I know I don't want one :) I'm in the midst of trying to convince bf that we should waltz down to the courthouse and just get married one day. Perhaps a small/quick dinner for friends and family, but that's about the extent of planning I'm willing to do! I know that doesn't help you at all, Lisa. I think no matter what decisions you and your fiance end up making, your families hopefully will respect your wishes. Happy planning!
ReplyDeleteYou look Great!!! new follower ;)
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm new to your blog - I just wanted to congratulate you on your engagement! mazal tov! I just loooooove weddings!
ReplyDeletecheers, Ellyse
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