30 June 2011

A Matter of Convenience?

Your comments the other day about my friend's office crush situation were all really interesting and insightful, so thanks a ton, ladies. While I think her friendly flirt is totally innocent, I do agree that she should be careful about things potentially becoming more than they should be. I'll be keeping a friendly ear open!

A lot of you gals also made comments re: honesty to your spouse and that got me thinking about what would I do if that situation was happening to me. Would I tell my BF? Because I know if he was spending a ton of time with a young pretty female co-worker of his and thought highly of her, I would be internally steaming a bit under the collar, even though I trust BF implicitly. Yep, jealousy, ugly head, that whole bit - though I'd be too proud to admit the insecurity!

What would he think if I came home raving about a male co-worker and telling him that we'd be spending a lot of time together? This Lisa would probably totally (but innocently) be caveating it with multiple repeats about how a whole bunch of us would be working together, not mentioning anything about age or looks, probably cracking a joke or two at co-worker's expense and downplaying any inch of potential inclination that I favor said co-worker. Because even if BF has nothing to worry about which he never ever would - I wouldn't want to give him anything to worry about!

I mentioned this in the comments, but I had a male co-worker who wasn't "allowed" to be out with female co-workers. And when he brought his wife to work events, she rarely even spoke to the girls in the group and spent the evening almost possessively by her man's side. Now it totally is not my place to even try to understand their relationship dynamics, but did that keep co-worker from going out to lunch when there were gals in the group? Nopers. Did he tell the wife that? Nopers.

So slippety-slippery-slope - would those situations be considered lying or just conveniently not providing irrelevant information?

And bigger question: are there certain situations that you think is appropriate to keep from your significant other? Are there innocent enough items that you don't tell the hubby or boyfriend becaus you think it'll cause unnecessary reaction?

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Top: J. Crew stripe button-back
Skirt: NY&Co. abstract (worn here before - similar luxe here, reg here, pencil here)
Necklace: J. Crew pearl cluster (worn here before - similar here, here)
Shoes: Sofft giovanna (worn here before - similar here, luxe wedge here)

19 comments:

  1. how funny that husband told me last night that some of his sales guys were commenting on another girl's short skirts (who works in the office). Then he told me she is 25. Um. great.. 25 year old in short skirts working for you. awesome.

    I pretty much tell my husband everything- but I'm pretty much an open book. The only things I don't always talk to him about are things my friends tell me in confidence. I know a lot of people think that telling your husband is ok but in the same way I don't want to tell my friends things about my husband I reserve the same amount of privacy for my friends. I don't see it as keeping a secret so much as I do honoring my friendships and their trust that I'll keep my trap shut.

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  2. Cute pattern mixing! I was so tempted by that skirt but the lack of pockets made me cry!

    I think this whole topic is very interesting. I'm like spiffy and pretty much tell Husband everything. At one point a few years ago, he thought I seemed to be talking an awful lot about a particular co-worker, but once I told him that he looked like Nate Torrence (he's an actor who was in Get Smart, the movie), he realized that it wasn't like I was spending all my time with this super sexy guy or anything! LOL

    Husband actually has quite a few female friends at work, but for the most part, I get introduced to them and we become couples friends so I don't mind. It's a nice way for me to expand my circle of friends too!

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  3. Cute outfit as always, Lisa! In general, I just think it's smart to always be honest with your spouse/bf. Yeah, maybe it's not necessary to share every SINGLE thought on your mind, but if you think you might even feel slightly guilty about something or a situation, then perhaps steer yourself away from that possibility so there is no need to even go there!
    I trust my husband completely and take comfort in the fact that he simply just doesn't like most women (except for moi, lol). I know he has lunch with coworkers and sometimes a few women will be in the mix, but I've met them, he'll mention them and I know there's absolutely nothing going on whatsoever. It's probably not a good idea to act jealous in an obvious way, b/c I feel like that's just a reflection totally on you. Just pick a partner you feel you trust and do the right thing...hopefully things will turn out well!!

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  4. Whoa really interesting topic and to be honest I could go on and on about it forever and let's face it, every situation is different. While I trust my husband I unfortunately don't trust people I don't know and from what I have witnessed not everyone's intentions are pure and innocent. So that is all I will say on that topic ;)

    I love this outfit, great pattern and colour mixing as usual!

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  5. First off, love the pattern mixing. Second, this is a slippery slope. My last relationship ended with me finding out that my baby daddy had been cheating on me. I think it started as an innocent old friendship that he just kept from me that exploded, but none the less. Honesty is the key in ALL relationships, but so is TRUST. My bf now I trust with everything I got and it is a great feeling!

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  6. You and your genious pattern mixing... I always get so much inspiration from you! You look just beautiful :)

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  7. Darling outfit as usual! I wouldn't have thought to pair those -- but I love it!

    About your male co-worker who wasn't allowed to be around female co-workers: There may have been circumstances which he didn't disclose to you. Maybe he cheated before? Maybe the wife had been in a previous relationship and got cheated on before and is very cautious? Who knows. I have learned that there are usually lots of other issues going on that we don't always know about. Regardless, it sounds like that couple could have used some counseling. But the fact that he was hiding things from his wife is not good. Lying or hiding things from a spouse usually comes back to bite that person in the behind. If he thought his wife was being overly protective, etc -- they probably needed major counseling sessions.
    I don't consider myself jealous or overly protective -- but my husband would never go to lunch just with one female. He always has other people there. This isn't because I have ever asked him to do this -- it is just in his nature. He is very protective of me and our marriage -- I guess everyone has different things that work for them!
    Interesting topic!!

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  8. P.S. What size do you take in the J Crew button back tee? I am 4'11" and about 92 lbs. I don't know if I would use an XS or XXS?? Such a cute shirt!!

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  9. Lisa, This is my new favorite outfit on you. The band of the skirt is flattering around your tiny waist. The Pattern mix is genius. The color combination amazing. The balance of Gray from top, to necklace, to shoes is perfect. The skirt jumps in and takes center stage.

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  10. Loving this combo...you rock at pattern mixing!

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  11. First Lovely outfit, the print on your skirt is wonderful and I love that you added a stripe top.

    Second: I pretty much tell my husband everything. We don't keep secrets from each other, but that's only because our relationship needed it. My parents are divorced because of my fathers cheating. So I'm all about honesty!!

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  12. Great outfit Lisa!.......Like you mentioned with the possesive wife..........I think each relationship carries it's own dynamics and hopefully the couple will be able to find what works for them specifically. (I know, vague vague) Lol

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  13. There probably are situations where it's appropriate to keep to yourself, but none comes my mind right now. I tend to use the rule, "If this happened to my SO, would I want to know?" and the answer is yes (but because I'm nosey like that, haha). I think there are ways to talk about situations without making it seem like a big deal... because if you do hide things (even if they are minor), if the other person ever finds out, it may seem like a bigger deal.

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  14. heh...you mean like maybe not always showing him every new article of clothing that comes in the door? :)

    I can't express how immensely this colouring and print mixing pleases me! So light and fresh.

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  15. ^^^ i second thadamngreendress regarding new articles of clothing - is that what you mean? hehehe! I think honesty is very important in a relationship. Of course, there are some things (like from the past for example) that may be irrelevant. Sometimes i have my hair/eyebrows/eyelashes done and I don't tell my hubby...i just kinda hope he notices :-)
    Pretty skirt!

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  16. Another great great outfit with pattern mixing. Love the soft bright colors together.

    I don't know what to say about the work situation, but I do think it's a little extreme to expect your husband to have zero contact with female coworkers. Although if that is what she is asking then I do think he is lying by having lunch with them and such.

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  17. Love your blog, outfits and insightful topics!! :)

    I think the situation you are describing is indeed a slippery slope. Flirtatious comments in the office are probably more common than people care to acknowledge, but I think the key is to not let the flirtations evolve into something more. I smirk to myself when there is an extra big smile or playful remark directed towards me. Call me shallow or narcissistic, but sometimes, it's nice to have a little validation that, "Yup, I still got it!".

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  18. Michelle - I bought this tee in a size XS. The fit is about right for me in the shoulders but the body is body, so your best bet would be to try the XXS - hope this helps!

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